Samson Trammel's 2nd Letter to Martin

Dear Martin,

I don't think I owe you anything. You came to my house as a spy, and I didn't kill you. I showed you everything you wanted to see. You had me arrested. You stole my library and destroyed my house, whatever they may say about a gas leak.

And I have been as helpful as I could be, considering where I am. I have advised you. I named people for you. I did everything in my power to make sure that you had what you needed to survive and -act-, not just curl up into a ball.

I did everything I could to look into the matter you asked me about. And I did not kill anyone you held dear. I did not give anyone an order to do so.

And my Nectar, as you put it, did -NOT- kill anyone you held dear.

We both know what happened now. Heresy. Doubts. Lack of faith. Brooks questioned me, doubted me--doubted -God-. And he sent his men to the Yucatan, of all places. Waste no time worrying about that. God punished them. They are dead for their lack of faith.

Bangkok--I thought Bangkok was sure. Intellectual debate? Certainly. I -relished- it. I thought about her at Ramon's parties, saying those things that she wrote, and I masturbated onto her letters. A different way of worship? Well, our God is multifaceted. He gives us what we ask for--even Brooks.

But her -doubts- led to heresy. It taints her product. She would destroy anything between her and her supposed search for truth. All of this you know and may tell the others, with my -blessing-.

-- -- --

But the rest of this letter is only for you, Martin. It isn't for them. Keep it to yourself.

I don't owe you anything. You owe me. But, I talked to God. Well, "talk" isn't the right word. Communed. I Communed with God.

He knows you are going to Bangkok. He knows why you have to do this. He won't stop you. He won't help, but He won't work against you.

I hope you find what you are looking for. If you do, He can do the rest--and He will do this for you.

I know people talk about minds, but we both know better than to slight the body, don't w, Martin? He'll take care of that for you. One miracle, from God, for you.

You have to survive, of course. You have to find what you're looking for and protect it from anyone who'd tell you this is wrong. If you can do that, you'll have that one thing you ever found that was better than Nectar.

You don't want to right wrongs or take revenge. You never did. When you have the one thing you want, just stop.

That's all. Stop. Stop fighting. Take your happiness. Take or leave the Nectar--that's up to you. Visit me if you want. Or don't. Just--please, when you have what you want, more than anything else, please, Martin,let me have what I want. My God, my Nectar.

I'm not asking for anything else. I'm not asking you to protect me. I'm asking you to do the only thing you want, to accept this gift, an apology from God, though neither He nor I owe you one. Take it and--I won't ask you not to torch whatever else you find in Bangkok. But let it stop there. Please.

[BURN IT ALL!]

Leave me Malta. Leave me Nectar.

And, really, Martin, you can't stop it. He can open a mouth -any-where in the world. For every -one- you destroy, ten more can open.

It's like the guy with the rock and the hill. Don't be like that guy.

If the others want to chase Him and wage war upon God for the rest of their lives--it saddens me, but I won't ask you to stop them. I won't ask you to try.

Joyce has hated God for so long that she is afraid to realize the truth--she loves Him as much as she hates Him. She doesn't know -how- to do anything but fight him, and she doesn't want to survive the battle. Please don't let her pull you down with her death wish.

de Genaro? He's a killer. He likes to think he's moral. Ethical. Whatever. He's not. If I'd recruited him instead of Walker, it would have all played out the same.

de Genaro lies to himself, just like Joyce does. He is a hypocrite. Walker is an <ethnic slur> <sexual slur> bastard, but he did not lie to himself. He was in this for the money. He sold me for money and because he didn't have the balls to play for keeps when there was a chance he'd lose. He -never- had faith--but he never had illusions either. If de Genaro -ever- believes you're a threat to his illusions, he'll kill you. Don't let him.

[The bitch in Bangkok wanted -my- library? -BURN- hers To The -GROUND-!]

If I'd found Lillian, she would be one of mine. But Joyce found her first. I know some people in Savannah say she's an angel. That may be what she wants, to be the Angel of Death. It's all mixed up in her mind. She wants to f*ck me. She wants to kill me. She's not a hypocrite, but she's a mixed up kid who'll follow Joyce off a cliff. All the time, hoping for an orgy with herself at the center. I could have given that to her once.

But here's the thing. They're dangerous to you--but also -useful-. Keep them between you and her--the woman in Bangkok. And anyone else dangerous. If they want to die protecting you, -let- them. It's better than letting them drag you under with them.

But also--you may want to keep yourself between them and what you hold dear.

They'll tell you some things are not meant to be, some people are better off dead, some prices are too high, some things can never truly be restored.

-LIES- ALL OF IT---LIES-!

Even without the miracle, who are they to decide this for someone else? They are bitter--or frustrated--or confused.

And you -can- have this miracle. Mind -and- Body. All of it.

You just have to stay alive and find and protect what you hold dear.

You never have to see me again if you don't want to.

Don't throw this away.

--T.