View source for Lillian's 1st Letter to Edgar Job

Dear Edgar,

Thank you so much for looking after Dr. Walker for me.

I do not think I can tell you what love is. People have been arguing about how to describe it for a very long time. Some say that this is because it is a complicated idea. Others say that it is a simple idea that is nevertheless difficult to discuss. Perhaps it is a little bit like one of those mathematically ideas that can be so very hard to describe in english, but are perfectly clear when expressed in the language of math.

But there isn’t a language of love that I know how to teach. Some people find that they can use dance or music or painting to express that which language cannot, but that is no longer true for me. There are some things that it is very difficult to come to grips with through the process of intellectual rigor. Some things can be best understood by being lived and experienced. The wisdom of the Buddha is like that. Talking about how to achieve enlightenment can interfere with the process of achieving enlightenment.

But for you and I, it is probably best to talk about love in terms of insanity. Love may be a sort of benign madness. When we are in love we see the world differently, in ways that seem illogical to those who do not share our affliction. There is great meaning for us in seemingly mundane actions and objects and people, and we feel profound emotions in response. But it does not make us a danger to ourselves or others (usually), and it can make us better adapted to our world rather than less.

Do you want to know if you were in love with Ramon, or are you pursuing this inquiry for Mr. Locksley’s benefit alone? Would you like me to ask him if he wants you to continue your inquiry. If it is causing you distress, I’m sure Mr. Locksley would understand.

If you would like to continue your inquiry, you should try to understand how you felt when you were with Ramon, or watching and listening to him, or doing things for his benefit, or when/if he ever did anything for your benefit.

Please take care of yourself, and Dr. Walker, and Douglas, and I will write to you when I can.

Regards,

Lillian