Douglas Henslowe's Letter to Lillian

Mr. D. Henslowe
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore,
Maryland

October 1, 1937

Dear Lillian

You have been so good to me and to my mother. It’s presumptuous to ask for 
a favor, I know, but it’s for Joyce.

I’m very, very worried about Joyce, Lillian. She’s more like me than like you, 
you see. We’ve both been soldiers. Joyce is stronger than I am, much stronger. 
I know that. But, they did such terrible things to her. They broke her a little 
inside, and then, well, the problem with people who don’t understand trying to help 
is that they break you even more.

Sometimes, they mean well. Sometimes, they do. I know that Dr. Walker wants me to 
get better and wants Edgar Job to get better. And sometimes, well, Dr. Keaton would 
still be happy if we did get better, you know. He could still write his book. Neither 
of us would say anything against it.

But, I still would have been better, I think, if it had been safe for Walter to speak. 
He couldn’t. I know that. He was being watched, I’m sure, and if he had come forward, 
who knows what they would have done to him and to his little girl? Janet is such a 
lovely woman.

But, if he had been able to speak up, to say I wasn’t crazy, maybe I wouldn’t have been 
in here so long. In Joy Grove, I mean. Maybe I could have gotten a little better. Not 
as well as Joyce, I know, but maybe well enough to have a normal life. Maybe to find 
a nice girl and settle down.

Joyce and I don’t have that any more, I think. I’m never going to find a nice girl. 
She’s never going to find a nice man. That’s gone for her, and I am very sorry. But, 
maybe you can at least make sure no one hurts her any more.

I don’t mean in the war. I know you’ll try to protect everyone, and she will, too, 
and Mr. De Genarro, for all that he really has lost a piece of himself that everyone 
can see, and this Martin she talks about. I know that. But, that’s war, and if we 
fall in war, we knew the risks. We knew we had to do it anyway.

It’s afterwards I’m talking about. Don’t let them hurt Joyce afterwards, when they all 
try to help her. It won’t help. They’ll tell her she isn’t what she is, she doesn’t 
know what she knows, she didn’t see what she saw. I don’t want them doing that to 
anyone who’s been in this fight.

We can’t tell them anything about it. I know that now. However much we sacrificed for 
them, however much we gave so that they could live peacefully, they must never know 
that. They won’t believe us. They can’t believe us, and perhaps, they shouldn’t 
believe us. But, we have to protect each other afterwards. It’s not like a regular 
war, is it? Then, you have parades and medals and doctors who understand, at least 
a little.

But our wars, Lillian, our wars have to stay secret. And that means that if someone 
breaks a little, the rest of us have to support them. We have to. It’s the only way 
to keep them safe.

Your Friend,

	Douglas