Edgar Job's 2nd Letter to Lillian

DEAR LILLIAN,

IT DOESN'T CAUSE DISTRESS OR PAIN. I THINK THAT MR. LOCKSLEY IS THE ONE IN PAIN. ONLY DR. KEATON SAYS THAT HIS NAME IS MR. RHODES AND DR. WALKER SAYS THAT WE SHOULD PRETEND IT WITH HIM AND I THINK WITH DOUGLAS HENSLOWE.

WE WILL BE MOVING SOON THEY TELL ME. TO THE NEW PLACE. IT IS HARD TO REMEMBER A LOT OF THE FEELINGS BEFORE THAT NIGHT WHEN RAMON ECHEVARRIA DIED. I REMEMBER THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BE DEAD LIKE HIM. DOES THAT MEAN I DID NOT LOVE HIM?

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HE DID FOR ME. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO DO EXCEPT THAT IT WASN'T WHAT HE SAID. HE PROMISED US -POWER-, LILLIAN. HE SAID WE WOULD ALL GET WHAT WE WANTED IN THE NEW DAYS. BUT THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANTED. IT WASN'T WHAT I WANTED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS SPELL WAS FOR. BUT THIS ONLY MEANS HE DIDN'T LOVE ME AND THAT ISN'T WHAT MR. LOCKSLEY ASKED. I THINK HE ALREADY KNEW THAT.

I ALWAYS LISTENED WHEN RAMON ECHEVARRIA TALKED. WE ALL DID. I WANTED POWER, LIKE HE PROMISED. AND THE SEX. BUT NONE OF THAT IS LOVE, IS IT? I DON'T THINK IT IS.

GEORGE INTRODUCED US. GEORGE AYERS FROM UCLA. I HAD LOST HIS NAME FOR A WHILE. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. GEORGE WANTED ME TO MEET HIM. SO I WENT. AND LATER, GEORGE WENT AWAY. I DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHEN BECAUSE I WAS HIGH ALL THAT YEAR. SOMETIMES HIGH FEELS LIKE WHAT YOU SAY ENLIGHTENMENT IS LIKE. BUT IT ALSO FEELS LIKE YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT, AND ENLIGHTENMENT MEANS YOU DON'T WANT. IS THAT RIGHT? I NEVER STOPPED WANTING. BUT THAT WAS A LIE. I KNOW I AM A MURDERER AND MURDERERS CAN'T HAVE WHAT THEY WANT. THE MATH DOESN'T WORK FOR THAT.

BUT LIKE I WAS SAYING, THAT'S WHY GEORGE WASN'T THERE THAT NIGHT. HE HAD ALREADY GONE AWAY TO DO SOMETHING FOR RAMON ECHEVARRIA. I AM GLAD HE WASN'T THERE THAT NIGHT BECAUSE HE WOULD BE DEAD IF HE WERE. AT LEAST I THINK HE PROBABLY WOULD.

HE TRIED TO TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT RAMON ECHEVARRIA I THINK. HE TOLD ME THAT ECEHVARRIA HAD SECRETS. BUT HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT THEY WERE.

MAYBE THAT IS WHAT HE WAS GOING TO LOOK FOR, THE SECRETS OF RAMON ECHEVARRIA? IS THAT WHAT YOU AND MR. LOCKSLEY AND DR. WALKER AND THE OTHERS ARE LOOKING FOR? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TELL ME. I AM SORRY, BUT I DON'T KNOW HIS SECRETS.

AND I AM SORRY THAT YOU ARE ALL IN PAIN. BUT I AM NOT A DOCTOR. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH DOCTORS CAN DO, EVEN THE GOOD ONES. BUT FOR THE LANGUAGE PROBLEM MAYBE A GOOD TEACHER COULD HELP.

SIGNED EDGAR JOB