Reginald's Rap

Raw Dump

He wouldn't do it outside his opium den -- that would be disrespectful!

Gregory has a Gentleman's disguise

Alice is Lady in Black

The problem is if you walk, there's a chance someone might be dumb enough to mug you.

S: Taking a carriage is a public service

Could a large animal be seen boarding with Gregory so that if he turns into a large animal there won't be so much confusion.

I think that could be arranged,

Returning a lion to Africa.

I don't know what I can do that's useful at the moment?

Court Angelina, maybe?

Oh, yes, I could do that.

Can that be Mace saying that?

No, the correct answer is "Is the wall still there?"

Whom you did not realize was your boyfriend last niht

That was during the day. Midafternoon at the latest!

You want me to make him a genius

Or he could be just as clever as I am. That would also be all right

A genius intellect

Father please make Talos clever

Clever enough to find lost people

No, that's not what I was asking

And I was thinking it would be quite pleasurable to have your company.

Are you making saving the world into a date?

Yes! I am!

What were you doing in such a den of vice?

Paying a debt. But I think I was perfectly safe there.

I start a small thundercloud over the club. It is easir to get his attention

The Knight symbol!

There appears to be a small thunderstorm.

This is London, Mr. Knight

Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm afraid I'll have to talk to your father some other time. I'm afraid Sophronia is Doing Something...

I hope Sophronia hasn't happened to anyone...

Why am I the only person who prepares for these things?

Because you don't care about politeness.

True, I don't.

Ad it woud make my lovelife more complicated

I go through the hole in the wall and see --

A very startled black panther

Do I have time to duck?

No, this is an attack.

Really?

This is the fairy earl -- that's obviously one of his fairy cats.

3

5

Bloody hell, Alice! It's me!

Oh! I thought it was one of his guards! Are you sure it's you?

It seems the Earl Ashenbert thought kidnapping me was a good way to make me come with him to Scotland. I think it was very rude of him.

There are several fish who turn into mermaids and swim the hell away from you.

I shall go to my cousin

Clearly. This is a social attack

Alice, have we not learned our lesson about going to your cousin

Telling him about crazy people looking into the martian crystal worked out pretty well

Not helping, Victor!

Which of them shall we keep an eye on?

Well... I'll go to the earl's house

I don't want to deal with Winston. I'll come with you.

Have fun. If she needs to, I'll break her out of her room later.

Maneuver to put a consequence:

This is Not How This Was Supposed to Go

I begin to be convinced that it's not the Earl

Oh, it's not the earl

Alice, does this mean you don't want me to set his house on fire?

Have you set his house on fire?

Not yet.

Oh good. I was afraid you had done something disproportionate.

...You must have me confused with some other fairy.

If you wish to break things off with the earl, you have the opportunity. However, should you wish to stand by him, I will understand.

Who is more trouble than this earl? I am sure it is someone who is more trouble.

Since the man in question has now expressed an interest, I think it only appropriate that you should know.

Much merriment so that she get fp

Clink. Clink. Clink.

Oh, I don't deserve that many

Yes, I was afraid of that.

You realize the earl is a better match and needs you more.

No I do not believe I am more competent than Mr. Creighton

I am however more powerful

Oh you are right, those are different words

Winston compel -- I will not let the family down -- and neither will anyone else.

Here's my plan. It's a crzy plan but it might work.

Is she holding iron when she sleeps?

I don't think so. She's my friend

I'll fix it

Victor, you must stop sneaking into ladies' bedrooms

All that woud have been sensisle. I should have thought of going to sleep with my arms wrapped around a poker myself, which Josh did, but Alice didnt

I shall have to hire... well, is Mr. Knight available or should I hire Mr. Moreland?

Oh, I think I know how to handle that mysef -- I'll be discreet

Any other messages I should take?

Oh yes, I did break off in the middle of a converstion with Angelina -- 'll take care of it later

Mama is certain this will not be a problem

He's not sure if he wants to go for brash and bold, which is what the family needs

Alice: I have a plan

Victor: This is going to be a disaster

I have been to faerie twice

Who do we know who is an expert on artifacts

There is mr merriman

Excellent. As is the coffee.

Flalice and Flace repairers of reputations or Ermine and Raven

We'll have the faeries ride herd over the fleople

Oh yes because that can't go bad

I believe he has a proposition for you as well

Ah, I don't want to marry him right now

Oh, I think he wasnts to hire you

Oh, in that case I should go

Although if you chane your mind, let me know

I mean it's been some hours. You must have come up with something.

He is a powerful fae. This will take some time.

Reginal's Rap

Well. That explains a lot

So I _dont_ have to be Lady P

Probably

You had to mention that

Well this explins tht whold converstaion about secrets taht could ruin peopels lives

by the way what makes you think the loss...

Shouldnt you have given them more time to prepare for the fact that they won't have Lord G?

Wotking on that

Working on that how?

...Possibility number one...

I would not make much of a lady in either case, you must agree

Well Reginald does not make much of a gentleman?

True! Why, did you notice...

While this is going on, Reginald is still pouring tea and all the tea service

Return of G

G/R plus S

Archibald

Boys, you know how to fight. Pick up your dice!

I always go to the fight too early!

Yes, but I want to actually hit you.

Good thing I knew you were a liar. I would have been much more put out.

Mr. Hunter, you are a liar and a fake and I already knew that. I will have to think about whether to accept your apology. Good day.

Victor, have this conversation in an hour.

Why? Because you're going to leave now!

Right. So I am. Don't destroy the room.

That went. More or less as I expected.

And how are you?

This entire time?

Yes.

I suppose I'm just going to have to take you as you are

Plan one: Lord Mace and I secretly elope and go off to Africa and plan to repair his reputation after our return

Plan two: Lord Mace -- Damn. Both of these plans involve elopement, on't they. Aid the F Earl with his matter and his servants make brief but ocas appreances at W's direction in orer to repair our rep while we galiv in Scotland and then in Afr before retireing --- no go off on honeymoon...

We ignored each other at the opera today. It was quite lovely.

We're still best friends ev if your fightin with Reginald

Of course we are (hug) I just don't know what to think of him. Who is he?

These really are very complicated plans alice

The third one isn't

The third one isnt a plan. That isn't waht the word means

Have you conidered just marrying him?

Yes of course. That's waht plan three is.

Yes Alice of course alice good night alice

are we still best friends

yes of course

Reginald's Rap

Dear friends, some of you
May have thought for some time
That the face that I wear
Isn’t properly mine

ALT VERSION FOR “LIVE” PRESENTATION
Now this is a story
All about how
My life was rather
turned upside down

If you’ll grant me but a moment
Please pull up a chair
I'll tell you why I took the place
Of the Pensington Heir


In a humble hunter’s cottage
I was born and raised
On Pensinton lands
I spent most of my days

Learning to serve
And be seen and not heard
But my dear master Greg
Thought that was rather absurd

Though master and servant
We were destined to be
We confounded those plans
With childish glee

Every skill that was learned
Was shared fair for fair
With my friend and my brother
The Pensington Heir


We were taught how to hunt
To observe and extract
From our targets, those skills
That would aid our attack

In the boardroom or the scullery
In the woods, at a ball
We discovered that together
We could master it all

We learned we could assume
New personas with ease
Imitating one another
Or whomever we pleased

If anything I’d say that
These talents were rare
That were shared by this servant
And the Pensington Heir


A deep hunter's trance
Can imperil a mind
So we went to the Congo
A new mentor to find

The chief's daughter Aya
And wise master Mai
He taught us to shift
And she caught Gregory's eye

As we grew in our powers
They grew in their love
They fit quite as well
As a hand in a glove  

A dark warrior princess
No meek maiden fair
The one true love of
The Pensington Heir


Our new family needs Greg
In our African home
But Pensington needs someone
To be in line for its throne

Should a new Heir be chosen?
Could their children come here?
Can we counter the reactions of
Suspicion and fear?

So back to the isles
I've returned to arrange
A way to make the best
Of this alliance so strange

Though I wear my friend's face
I remain, I do swear
Reg Hunter, loyal servant
Of the Pensington Heir


I've deceived you, my friends
And with no little shame
I hope you can forgive me
For concealing my name

If you're reading these words
Then I’m in over my head
I’m in need of your help
If not already dead

ALT VERSION FOR “LIVE” PRESENTATION
And now it goes further
For I must ask your aid
I don’t know how long
I can maintain this charade

To protect all my families
Ah, here's the rub
I'm going to need the help
Of the Kerberos Club

And the best way to help them
I sincerely declare
Is to make the right plan
And to make it with care

But we do this right
Then I think that we might
Find a way we can fight
For the black and the white
But the time’s getting tight
To make their future bright

And Lord help the poor sod
Who winds up with the job

So I beg you, please help me
Find someone who’ll be there
Who can sit on the throne
As the Pensington Heir


Alternate verses

We traveled to through Great Britain
And then overseas
We assumed new personas
With the greatest of ease

We studied our targets
Made their powers our own
We hunted and reveled
Both abroad and at home

In Missouri I deeply
imperiled my mind
And out dear ally Abe
Was a fortunate find

He found us a shaman
They brought my spirit back home
But I ramble
For this part of the story is known

So back to the isles
With many a care
I returned to play the part
Of the Pensington Heir

So he stayed in the Congo
And I came back home
And without him, I confess
I feel rather alone

But my families needs me
No, let me speak with more care
Someone must fill the role
Of the Pensington Heir

To my friends I have lied
And it fills me with shame
That it only is now
That you know my true name

Aftermath

V: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

S: Victor.

V: So that’s why I don’t think this was a good idea in the first place....

S: Victor.

V: And if you had really considered the matter...

S: Victor! Have this conversation in an hour.

V: Why?

S: Because you’re leaving now.

V: Oh, right.

Victor leaves.

R: Well, that went... about like I expected.

S: (blinks)

R: Are you all right?

S: All this time?

R: I’m afraid so. (Long pause) I made commitments to people who were important to me, in order to protect my home, who are now far away. I failed to anticipate the commitments I would acquire to people who are...nearer, and dearer.

R: I’m afraid so. (Long pause) I made certain decision in order to protect the people I care about, people who are hundreds or thousands of miles away. I failed to anticipate the effect it would have on people who are... closer to me. People who... became more dear to me than I had expected.

S: And you’re not going to do this again?

R: Sorry? Um, no, this is really me.

S: So your name is...Reginald?

R (reaches out one finger to shake Sphronia’s hand): Yes... a pleasure to finally meet you.

S: Do you think you could possibly assume your cat form for a little while?

R: Of course.

Curl up together on the table, Reg drags a saucer milk over, they discuss Victor’s plans to bring Angelina to Africa with them.

Reginald POV

Your Majesty, Princess Aya, Protector of the Bambenga, The Leopard’s Claw, Chosen of Kaliki, Lady Sage, and Her Royal Consort, Prince Gregory, Heir of Pensington, The Hunting Ghost, Disciple of Anansi, Lord Sage,

I hope this letter finds you well, as well as His Majesty your father, and the rest of Bambenga, particularly our Master Mai.

Frankly, I hope this letter is able to find you at all. I’ve received no confirmation that any of my attempts at correspondence have successfully reached you, which has been frustrating, if not unexpected.

Additionally, I must apologize for the even greater than usual gap between letters. My fellow Kerbians and I took a brief trip to Fairy, which turned out to have cost us a year in this world. Distressing, though again, not unexpected.

(Incidentally, I swear by Anansi’s exploding cigars that this letter marks is the last time I use your full titles in the address. The next letter can be addressed to The Royal Rutting Ferrets for all I care, even if it might be the first one that arrives).

I’ve been trying to arrange for one of your siblings to take the responsibility of Heir from our shoulders, or for one of them to marry someone who could do so. No luck so far. Pensington still need “Gregory” to be the heir, but things are not entirely hopeless. When in comes to future Grand-High-Cat-Herder (as your mother is accustomed to call it), the young Lord Farnsby (Carmarthen) is a surprisingly viable candidate, being of strong will, sharp mind, and just a bit touched in the head, much like the best of our clan. I really must speak with Lady Farnsby, as her feelings, and her ambitions and talents, toward Emile and/or Archibald could have a significant effect on the outcome of my endeavours.

Should Your Highness return to England at some point, I hope that I have laid some groundwork to ease your arrival and facilitate your welcome. It is now the conventional wisdom that the next Lady Pensington needs to be exotic and bold. Also, “Gregory” is now courting Sophonia, who is certainly exotic and bold, but not precisely the same species as the rest of the the family. I hope this will cause people to perceive Your Highness as charmingly exotic by comparison, rather than shockingly so. I’m must confess that, rather than deliberately creating a terribly clever ruse, I’ve tried to make a virtue of necessity, since my own courtship of Sophronia is quite real.

While we are attempting to embark on an overseas journey to track down some miscreants, which should, I hope, give me an opportunity to come find you in person, we have found ourselves delayed by a series of comitragic misadventures. Lord Beauchamp is insisting that that his cousin be married before she leave, and as Alice and George have finally gotten around to courting each other in earnest instead of dancing around the subject like a pair of peafowl, we need to reform his reputation. Our new acquaintance Lord Ashenberg has returned to claim the seat of the Fairy Earl, and needs to find an ancestral sword lost somewhere between Scotland and Faire. He wants Alice’s help with that, and now there are other fey trying to kidnap her and trick her into finding the sword for them. I’m afraid at least one such fairy is rather frighteningly good with their illusions and disguises.

The threat of another accomplished mimic has exacerbated my worries about relying on friends who don’t actually know me for who I am. In addition, I’m no longer willing to court Sophronia under false pretenses. Accordingly, I’ve chosen to reveal my true identity to her, Alice, Victor, and George. It went over exactly as well as one might expect, I’m sorry to say. Victor will no doubt use the flaws in our scheme as another way to torment me for the rest of my days, but appears to bear me no lasting ill will. Sophronia, bless and love her, seems to have already forgiven me, or is at least delaying my day of reckoning until some later date. I expect George will come round (our arrangement probably seem delightfully transgressive to him) provided his lady love does as well.

And therein lies the rub. Lady Beauchamp was entirely undone by my revelation, and made her displeasure known in no uncertain terms (my head is still ringing from that slap). In addition to the emotional shock to which I subjected all of my friends, I suspect that I have delivered a blow to Lady Beauchamp’s rather, would it be fair to say brittle? understanding of proper class relations. “Lord Sage” may have occupied a place in her affections which she reserves for those she considers her social equals, a place to which a lowborn fellow such as Mr. Hunter would never be admitted. I may never be able to repair our friendship, but perhaps she will permit me to relate to her if I follow a much more proper set of protocols. Do you suppose the ancient Martians made use of Janissaries, or servants with similar duties?

In any event, we will, I hope, soon be seeing you in person, and I will have the opportunity to introduce you to those Kerbians who are still speaking to me. Do keep an eye out for a shifty bastard with a magical crystal raving about visions from Mars, and his friends, described in the attached document. He may cause you a spot of bother, but if you can instead locate the quarry, perhaps we will have the opportunity to hunt him down together, just like the old days.

I remain, as ever, your Faithful Servant and Subject, and Dear Friend, Reginald